


Of Gods and Men.

by Pixiemixieheart



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: AU sorta, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dark Solas, Death, Eventual Smut, I will mark it on chapters when I post it, M/M, Smut, You Have Been Warned, because I'm a sucker for a not to sad ending, but more angst, haven basically, he can be sweet but the dudes messed up, human/elf smut, loss of life, mentioned rape, more like Dark Fen'arel really, nithing graphic literally the word is mentioned, no other kind of smut, none yet - Freeform, not graphic, not so clean cut Cullen, or wellish, please head the warnings, really... this isn't gonna be rainbows and gumdrops, sort of, thats it, there will be elements of fluff, think Dark fantasy, well maybe we have some human/human smut later but we'll see, will probably end well
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-18
Updated: 2015-09-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 10:59:39
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4604205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pixiemixieheart/pseuds/Pixiemixieheart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Solas did not join the Inquisition to indulge his desires. He joined the Inquisition to retrieve his foci and reclaim his power. In order to do that he must gain the trust of those most important within it's inner circle. Cullen, proves to be a problem...not only because the man refuses to trust him but also because there is something about the human that intrigues the Elvhen God. </p>
<p>Something that awakens a desire in him that he has not felt in all the years he has drawn breath.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is more of an experiment to see if I can actually make it work. It will be much darker than anything else you may have read of mine. I thought it was about time I tried my hand at writing something less....fluffy? Don't get me wrong I adore fluff... I just wanted to see if I could do something else :D 
> 
> I doubt I will go down the path of so dark you will cower in horror in the corner...that's just not me. I am a happy little ball of fluff myself most days but you know, it is a possibility (although unlikely.) 
> 
> Still, there will be sad stuff, graphic stuff, possibly some stuff which is a little disturbing. 
> 
> Cullen and Solas will be in character most of the time in so much as what we see in banter and the game. What you may not agree with me about is the inner workings of their minds and how they think. I just want to put that out there in case you're expecting fluffy cutey raindrop Cullen that couldn't possibly do anything wrong (which I love btw, this is not him tho) and always kind and gentle Solas (Which I also like, but again, this is not him).
> 
> Neither of them are evil or twisted. But BOTH men are broken with deep seated issues that affect how they interact with each other on a personal level. Sooooooo yeah... there is that :D
> 
> Well, in any case we'll see how it goes.

Farmers…boys and girls barely out of childhood. That was what the Commander of the Inquisition had to work with. This was no army, no force to be reckoned with. How was he meant to protect civilians with this…this sorry excuse for an infantry?

_At least they are willing and eager…_

There was that he supposed. Thank the Maker for small blessings. At least there was potential within their ranks. With time (and a great deal of practice), Cullen was sure he could mould them into something that resembled a working military.

Yet, time was not a luxury the Inquisition had. Looking up to the broken skies, the Commander noted the massive swirling green tear in the heavens. The breach was stable (or so the apostate hedge mage assured), yet Cullen possessed little faith it would remain so for much longer.

A loud clatter brought the Commander’s attention back to his recruits. Cullen let out an exasperated sigh as Jim (the newest and most inept recruit Cullen ever had the misfortune of training) dropped the shield he’d been holding right on top of his opponents toes.  

“For…really?!  Recruit Jim! How many times must I tell you to hold your shield firmly! You are not holding a woman for Maker’s sake, it will not break! If you drop that in the middle of a battle you’re as good as dead!”

Cullen pinched the bridge of his nose with thumb and forefinger.

_Useless…just…useless..._

“S..s..sorry Ser.”

“Don’t be sorry. Do better.”

“Y..yes..Ser.”

The Commander watched as Jim picked up his shield. The young man bent his knees and returned to a defensive stance…or something vaguely resembling a defensive stance.

“What?...Is he serious?” Asked Cullen, in disbelief. “What _are_ you doing?”

“I..I...defensi..”

“Do not tell me that is a defensive stance, Recruit. That is NOT …”the words he was about to say were cut short by a sudden, sharp pain in his temple. Taking a deep breath (he prayed looked more like irritation than discomfort), the Commander turned to the man standing next to him. “Lieutenant Johnson, deal with this. I have other matters to attend to.”

Cullen walked away without so much as a second glance. His hands shook, his head throbbed and limbs ached. He shuddered to think this was only the beginning. By the evening he would be wracked in pain and biting at his pillow to muffle the screams that would surely come.

Cullen was a strong man; both in body and spirit, yet the imminent torment he knew he would face tested his resolve and he would be lying if he didn’t admit he was tempted to take just a little bit of lyrium to take the edge off. Lyrium Withdrawal was nothing short of torture.

Yes, it may be self-inflicted agony, certainly…but it was torture nevertheless. Never had he experienced anything like it. The torture in Kinloch had been entirely psychological, he carried the scars of that time deep within his psyche yet there’d been no actual physical pain.  

Cullen walked determinedly towards his hut at the back end of Haven, trying with all his might to control the shaking that was now not only constrained to his hands.

_Only a little further._

As Commander of the Inquisition, Cullen could not afford to show weakness.

 _I am the Lion of Ferelden_.

He was just as important a figurehead as Ellana was as the Herald of Andraste, or Leliana was as the Nightingale, even Cassandra as a seeker. They all had their part to play in order for the Inquisition to be successful, for people to place their faith in them.   

Ellana inspired the faithful and brought hope to the pilgrims that arrived daily. Leliana put the fear of the Maker in the hearts of their enemies, cloaked in shadow and secrets. Cassandra’s faith was what brought everyone together and Cullen…

_I am the Lion that protects them all. When they look at me they see strength and they feel safe. That is my part to play…I will not fail them._

Cullen would go to the Void before gave anyone cause to believe that the Lion was fragile and ailing.

“Ah, Commander. May I speak with you?”

_Fuck._

“Not at the moment, Solas. I’m afraid I must see to a matter of great importance… but I will seek you out once it is resolved if you wish and we may speak then.”

Cullen balled his hands into fists to control the shaking, his steps unfaltering as he continued on without any intention of stopping.

“It will take but a minute.” Solas gently grasped the Commander’s arm, giving Cullen no choice but to stop.

The elf’s brows narrowed in what appeared to be concern.

“Commander...is there something wrong? You look unwell.”

Cullen felt beads of sweat travel down his neck and pool on his collar bone, there was no mistaking the faint tremor in his hands now. He shifted uncomfortably under the Hedge mages’ searching gaze. Of all the people that could have stopped him…Solas was no fool and more observant than most.

_Maker’s balls. Just what I need…_

“I’m fine. Do not concern yourself, Solas. However, I really must see to…Wait what…”

Solas released the Commander’s arm and placed his hand on Cullen’s forehead palm down. Cullen felt a quick but notable sting at the touch.

_Fuck was that magic?...No, I would have sensed it. It must have simply been minor static charge._

“You are not _fine.”_ Insisted the elf.“You’re burning up, Commander. If you allow me to examine you, I am certain I can assist.  I know of a spell that will help with the fever at the very least.”

Cullen stepped away from the elf with a jerk. He did not appreciate the mage’s familiarity. They were not friends, for the apostate to touch him so freely. Maker, they were barely colleagues! 

Cullen’s wariness of mages had lessened since Kirkwall (at least in appearances) but that did not mean that he in any way trusted mages or their magic. He’d been through too much to completely change his ideas on that subject. Magic _was_ dangerous. It depended on the mage that wielded the power just how _dangerous_ that magic was…

_What could Solas possibly be thinking? To touch me as if it was his right, suggest using magic on me as if it was nothing of consequence…_

Cullen knew next to nothing about this apostate. He was not fool enough to allow an unproven mage to cast any sort of magic anywhere near his person.

“I do not need your assistance, Solas.” Cullen said more forcefully than he intended. “I…should go. As I said I am very busy. Excuse me.”

Solas placed his hands behind his back and regarded the Commander impassively.

_There is something not quite right about this apostate..._

“As you wish, Commander.” Answered Solas.

Cullen dismissed his distrust for now, there were other more pressing matters at the moment than the mages lack of common sense. The Commander nodded at the elf and walked away swiftly to the safety of his hut.

 _Safety …. There is no safety here._   

Dread began to creep into his mind at the realization of what he was about to endure.

\-----------------------

The Commander’s scent was not like the other Templars.

There was a distinct lack of lyrium in the scent that set him apart from the rest, and yet that was not what intrigued him. There was something… _more_ there. It was faint and barely discernible beneath the smell of elfroot, sword oil and that which was uniquely Cullen.  Still, however subtle, he could still smell it.

Oh yes, Solas knew the Commander’s well-guarded secret. He’d known it from the second the he met the broad-shouldered human.  

The Commander no longer partook of the lyrium that marked him as a Templar.

The decision intrigued him, even more so when he learned that Cullen had willingly left the order to join the Inquisition.  That the Commander went even further and decided to stop taking lyrium altogether…willingly…Well, that was remarkable.

It was no secret that lyrium withdrawal killed more than its fair share of disgraced Templars banished from the order and unable to pay for their vice. Solas could not decide whether to be impressed at the man’s courage and willpower, or shake his head in disbelief at the stupidity of it. Abrupt withdrawal was almost as dangerous as an overdose.

Still, for all that the Commander was… it was not only the man’s character and life choices that piqued his interest.

No, what absolutely _fascinated_ him, what undeniably drew the elf to the Commander was the faint hint of the Fade that was inherent in the human’s scent.  

For all the elf’s insurmountable knowledge, he did not know _why or how_ Cullen smelt of the Fade.

_It should not be possible…_

And yet, it was. Cullen stood before him, living proof that it was not only possible…It was _real._

The Commander jolted away from Solas’ touch as if the mage’s hand were an open flame. The elf was not offended, the reaction was entirely expected after all.

What the elf hadn’t expected however, was the tingling sensation on his fingertips when his palm made contact with the Commander’s skin. That little spark of…something.

_Curious…_

Once again, Cullen proved to be as predictable as all humans were and with poorly made excuses walked away. No doubt to suffer alone and in silence as years of lyrium worked itself out of the man’s system.

_Stubborn ass…_

Solas hadn’t lied when he’d told Cullen that he could help. He knew of a spell that could block the symptoms quickly and efficiently. There was no need for the man to suffer through the pain of the detoxification. The lyrium would take months if not years to fully work its way out of his body. Such was the nature of lyrium. A small respite would be little bother to the mage and a great comfort to the human.

The elf was almost tempted to cast his spell without permission and deal with the consequences later…but that would not be conducive in earning the trust of one of the powerful people in the Inquisition.

And make no mistake; trust was imperative to Solas’ plans. As much as he loathed to admit it, the God was utterly dependant on these _mortals_ until such a time that he could recover his foci and fully unlock its power.

The wolf paced the confines of the elf’s mind, restless and impatient. Solas barely resisted the impulse to phase into wolf form and chase the Commander down until the Lion offered its neck in a show of submission to the stronger, more dominant Wolf.

Solas, drew in a startled breath.

_That was…unexpected._

 Solas would need to be mindful to keep the wolf in check whilst he was in the company of these people. It simply would not do to give in to the wolf’s base nature at this time.

This was… a troubling development.

Not even when Solas was young (scarcely a child playing with newly discovered toy more dangerous than the infant could even begin to understand), had the wolf come so close to the surface without _his_ consent.

_We cannot stray from our purpose. This is a distraction we do not need._

Were this a different time, Solas would relish in discovering all the answers to the questions that the Commander personified. But as it stood, it would not be beneficial to either of them were he to pursue the Commander in any capacity, be it scholarly or…more physical in nature. Cullen presented too many unknowns, too many possible entanglements and Solas’ inexplicable desire for the human was unsettling.

_Yes. It would be best to stay away for the time being until we understand why he affects us so._

The part of him that was wolf growled disapprovingly and Solas heard the low, menacing growl rumble in his chest before he had a chance to stop it. Thankfully, there was no one near to hear it.

His lack of control was worrying. Tonight, he would have to phase and give the wolf some much needed freedom. Solas had not phased since he joined the Inquisition for fear of someone seeing him. There were sentries posted everywhere in this blighted stronghold.

_Too many eyes everywhere…_

Yet it seemed there was no other choice. The wolf was restless…understandably so. It needed to run, hunt and mark its territory. By keeping it caged and unable to fulfil its nature the wolf grew agitated and unpredictable…savage almost.

_When the sun sets and the Moon rises, we shall go into the woods beyond Haven and hunt until the sun rises once more._

The Wolf rumbled in approval, seemingly placated for the moment with the promise of night spent free. Still, Solas would have to be sure to not to shift too close to the settlement. Once the wolf emerged there was little he could do to control his primal urges.  

It wasn’t that the wolf was mad, not by any stretch of the imagination. Neither was it evil or a deceiver as the Dalish believed.

What it was however, was strong willed and selfish. The very definition of a rogue wolf. Once it set its mind on something, nothing would stop him from obtaining it. _His_ wolf was an Alpha… An Alpha without a pack to lead.

Glancing once more at the Commander’s retreating form in the distance Solas felt a wave of trepidation wash over his body…The wolf within him was not a gentle beast…

For the Commander’s sake, Solas hoped he was wrong about the wolf’s interest in the human…With some effort; ‘Solas the man’ could put aside the longing and curiosity towards the Commander.

But if the wolf wanted Cullen, _truly wanted him_ …no amount of denial or distance could ever stop Fen’Harel of claiming what was his. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah...Haven went boom :S

Haven was lost.

 

The Herald was lost.

 

The Lion of Ferelden had failed. He’d been unable to protect them…to protect _her._

 

_Maker, she’s gone. She’s gone and it’s my fault._

Cullen walked amongst his recruits, surveying the damage.

 

“Report, Lieutenant.” It was not a request.

 

“Roughly twenty injured, Commander. However, it’s likely at least four of those will not last through the night. “

 

_Sweet Andraste. Why must you test us so…?_

_“_ Noted. Losses?” Asked Cullen, barely able to keep his voice under control.

 

“Thirty six.” Answered Lieutenant Johnson, his voice shaking. “The number may yet rise, we still haven’t completed the roster. That number’s also not counting the civilian’s that were lost. There is no way to know for certain how many people didn’t make it out, Ser.”

 

_Maker, so many,…my fault._

Cullen nodded, unable to speak for fear of his voice betraying the despair he felt at that moment. He was the Lion, irrespective of his failure, his men still looked to him for strength.

 

“Commander, you are injured. You should have that seen to by a healer.”

 

“I’m fine.”

 

“Comma…”

 

Cullen looked at Lieutenant Johnson, sternly.

 

“That will be all, Lieutenant. Return to your duties.” When the man looked as if he would protest once more, Cullen added. “Now, Johnson! That’s an order.”

 

“Yes, Commander!” replied Johnson, walking away quickly.

 

The laceration on Cullen’s neck was (thankfully) no longer bleeding. It looked far worse than it truly was, yet he did understand the young Lieutenant’s concern.

 

Johnson had never seen battle, at least not until tonight. It would stand to reason that the young man would worry for his Commander’s wellbeing having never experienced the aftermath of an injury himself. After all, it was only Cullen’s experience that assured the Commander that it was barely more than a flesh wound.

 

Cullen looked around the (now homeless) Inquisition’s makeshift camp. Most of the survivors were civilians. Pilgrims, bakers, merchants. The Commander took a deep breath and thanked the Maker there’d been no children in Haven. He doubted he’d be able to live with himself if he was the reason a helpless child lost their life.

 

_Still. So many just…gone._

 

Many lives were lost this day due to his failures…he should have trained the recruits harder, should have been more vigilant, sent out more patrols. There was simply no warning…

 

“You are hurt.”

 

Cullen stifled an irritated groan. He really did not have the patience or will to deal with the Maker dammed apostate just then. How the elf always appeared at the most inopportune moments, Cullen couldn’t even begin to guess.

 

For the past few months in Haven, Cullen had barely seen the Hedge Mage. And that was exactly how he liked it. There was something off about Solas. Something not quite right. It wasn't simply the the elf was a Mage, although that certainly did him no favours. No, it was the way the elf carried himself, the way he somehow always managed to be at the right place at the right time (well, for the elf anyway),  the way he’d managed to work himself into the Herald’s inner circle and gained her trust. Originally, Cullen thought it was because they were both elves, but he didn’t think that was the entirety of the reason. Solas was manipulative, if subtle in his approach.

 

No, Cullen did not like him, did not trust him. And he especially did not like the way the Mage looked at him when he thought Cullen wasn't paying attention.

 

“I’ll live.”  Cullen replied, his voice monotone.

 

“Perhaps. Yet, if you do not have it seen to, the cut will fester and it will be harder to heal later.” 

 

Solas held on to his staff with both hands, his posture relaxed as he rest his weight against it.

 

“There are others that require healing more than I and we have precious few healers to spare.”

 

“I am versed enough in healing to assist with this, Commander.”

 

Cullen could not keep the venom out of his voice when he answered. It was a single word, but in that word he poured every hateful emotion he’d ever felt against these maker forsaken mages. Mages who always wanted to cast their magic to heal a simple wound. There was no need. No need for magic to be used so frivolously.

 

“No.”

 

“I see. You would rather risk it festering? The poison working its way through your blood to your heart before you allow a Mage to help you? You may have left the order, Commander. But you will always _be_ Templar.”

 

Cullen’s patience snapped. He was NOT a Templar any longer. Yes, he distrusted mages. Yes, he still believed they were dangerous and needed to be watched. Yet, he’d seen enough in Kirkwall and Kinloch to know that the Templar order drove more mages to blood magic than what it prevented. He’d witnessed harrowed mages made tranquil at the hands of the very Templars they’d reported for rape. Seen abuses swept under the rug to avoid scandal.

 

 He wished he could say this was limited to the Kirkwall circle as a result of Meredith’s madness. He wished he could say the mages deserved what they got… He wished he could say that he hadn’t stood by and done nothing….

 

 

Cullen wanted nothing more to do with that life. The man he was died at the Gallows along with Meredith. It was not who he was any longer. Cullen was not, nor would he ever be a Templar again.

 

The human towered over the Mage as he turned to speak.

 

“You should not speak about things that you know nothing about! Do not presume to know me, Solas. You know nothing.”

 

“Do I not?” Asked Solas, calm as ever. “I know that you blame yourself for our losses in Haven. I know that you distrust all magic, regardless of origin. I know that you have endured things that would have destroyed most men. I know that you believe yourself to be flawed and strive to be better. Yet I also know that you would foolishly rather die than accept help from a mage, because Commander, as I said before…you will always be a Templar.”

 

Cullen laughed mirthlessly.

 

“Will you tell me next that there is a tall, dark handsome stranger in my future? That I will find love when I least expect it? Perhaps, that I should follow my heart?” Cullen stepped closer “You know nothing more than what a two copper seer does, and you are still just as wrong.  You do neither of us any credit by playing me for a fool, Solas.”

 

The Mage’s lips twitched into a small smile.

 

“So _prove_ me wrong.”

 

Cullen opened his mouth and closed it again.  Cullen had taken the bait hook, line and sinker.

 

_Manipulative, deceitful son of a …._

Solas smirked and turned to leave. Cullen _hated_ that he followed.

 

\--------------------------------------------------

 

Solas lift the tent flap and entered the tent. He didn’t have to look behind him to know that Cullen followed.

 

It was almost too simple to bait the Commander. Almost.

 

“Sit.”

 

Cullen grimaced but ultimately complied. Solas, knew the Commander would follow him. Humans were such a predictable race. Still, this human was different…

 

_How to get him to trust me without falling into temptation myself?_

 

Not only was there the delicate matter of his attraction to Cullen to consider but also the man’s distrustful nature. Whilst at Haven, Solas had bid his time opting to learn everything he could about the Commander’s past from a distance. Cullen was exactly the sort of puzzle that intrigued the Elvhen God. As soon as one question was answered another emerged in its place.

 

Cullen was an enigma.

 

Here was a Templar that smelt of the Fade, a human who though mistrust mages almost to the point of obsession, showed no other trace of racism. Distrustful men like the Commander always, in Solas’ experience, treated elves with contempt. But not Cullen, no. Cullen treated elves as equals, truly and completely not only in what he said but in his deeds.

 

That was…unexpected.

 

Even Cassandra, (who Solas respected greatly) was a victim to conditioning. It had taken a lot of (admittedly impressive) hard work by the Herald to be seen as something more than the elf she was by the entirety (with the exception of possibly the dwarf) of the Inner Circle.

 

But this man, this stubborn, close minded Templar, not only accepted elves but had shown himself to be merciless when any of the elves in the Inquisition’s employ were treated unfairly simply for being born with pointed ears.

 

It was not three days past that Cullen had dismissed one of his best recruits for calling an elf knife ear whilst training. In hindsight Cullen probably saved the recruits life, considering that Haven fell not two days later.

 

_Enough of this pointless rambling. It matters not. We are here for one thing and one thing alone._

It was time to begin working on the Commander, time to earn his trust. It would not be a simple task to be sure, yet it needed to be done. Soon the Herald would be here, for Solas knew that she yet lived. He could feel his power calling to him and moving closer to the camp each passing hour.

 

Solas knelt by his backpack and opened it. He pulled out some cotton, elfroot salve, bandages and made his way to the Commander. Cullen eyed the elf suspiciously.

 

“What are you going to do with that?”

 

“Heal you, of course. Unless you have a better use for elfroot salve?”

 

Cullen glanced at the jar in Solas’ hand and back up to the elf’s face. This close, Solas was able to see clearly the dark circles under the Commander’s eyes. He must not be sleeping well, which was an expected side effect of lyrium withdrawal. Even so, the Commander was magnificent.  Solas’ gaze lingered on Cullen’s lips and the delicious scar on the top right of the man’s upper lip.

 

Solas unconsciously licked his own lips as he felt the wolf within him do the same. The wolf was dangerously close to the surface once again. It took all of the elf’s will to keep it from showing.

 

Yet whatever else Solas was, he was not without a heart. Now was not the time to be thinking these carnal thoughts. It was inappropriate at best and downright sickening at worst. Cullen was mourning for the lives of his men. And Solas once more had to add to the guilt he already carried as yet more lives were lost in pursuit of his ideals.

 

Cullen’s voice brought Solas out of his reverie.

 

“I don’t understand. Will you not use magic?”

 

Solas offered a kind smile as he poured some water in a bowl and dipped the cotton into it.  He brought it up to cut and began cleaning dutifully, carefully wiping at the dry blood.

 

“Do you want me to use magic?” asked Solas, eyes set on the task at hand.

 

“No, of course not.” Cullen said with a wince as Solas pressed a little harder to wipe off a particularly dried patch of blood.

 

“Precisely. I am not in the habit of forcing magic upon the unwilling, Commander. If I used magic here it would be quicker certainly, and with a hundred percent rate of success. Yet, I can accomplish close on the same with traditional methods of healing for such a wound as the one you bear. It will cause you discomfort, and will take days to heal fully, but it is your right to choose how you wish for your body to be treated. I do not have to agree with it to respect the decision.”

 

Cullen raised an eyebrow.

 

“You talk about choices but you practically forced me here in order to heal me. Which, may I remind you, I did not ask for nor want.”

 

Solas chuckled as he discarded the now bloody cotton and dipped two fingers into the jar of elfroot salve.

 

“I did nothing of the sort. It was always your choice. You followed me here of your own free will, Commander. _You_ consented to this. I did not use magic, even though you expected it of me because I am aware that you are not comfortable with it. As for the healing itself, it is for your own good. But had you insisted that you did not want to be healed, I would not have.”  Solas raised his fingers to Cullen’s throat and gently dabbed the medicinal salve directly on to the wound.

 

Cullen hissed at the contact but did not move away.

 

“That’s not…ah…you told me to prove you wrong.”

 

_And you proved me right, yet not in the way you believe…._

Solas grabbed a bandage from his pack and carefully wrapped it around Cullen’s neck loosely.

 

“So I did.” Solas looked into Cullen’s amber eyes and saw the confusion there.

 

_Good. He must doubt what he knows before we can begin to build a new truth._

Shouts from outside had Cullen quickly exiting the tent without another word.

 

“I think I see her! There! Can you see the green glow?” Dorian, the Tevinter mage said loudly from just outside the tent.

 

_Ah. The Herald has made her way here at last. It is time to bestow upon this fledgling Inquisition a gift worthy of the Lion that protects it…._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so tired lol I have no clue if this chapter makes any sense, but its late and in my sleep deprived brain it does. I will reread it in the morning and perhaps I'll be mortified by its utter lack of sense. We'll see I guess. 
> 
> I hope you like it! I'm going to bed, seriously I've had 2 hours sleep since last night.... I'm sorry if its not up to scratch but I really needed to post this before i literally pass out on my keyboard lol 
> 
> Hugs for all and cookies!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't even know... Cullen finally lets Solas use magic to help him

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no clue what I am doing lol.

Cullen looked at the lyrium kit that lay open on his desk.

 

_Just a little...one drop..._

They’d been at Skyhold now for three months. In that time his symptoms had worsened. Cullen’s hands rested on the hard wood surface of his desk as he gazed upon the small vial of lyrium longingly. He knew he was not giving the Inquisition his best, knew he was losing this battle. He needed to start taking it again before he failed again as he had in Haven. 

 

But Maker, he didn’t want to...And yet he did. He missed hearing the song. That beautiful song that he hadn’t heard in so long. He wanted...

 

“No!” He yelled, grabbing the small box and throwing it across the room.

 

It slammed against the wall before clattering and crashing on the stone floor. The Commander’s heart skipped a beat when he saw the small blue vial roll out of its compartment and rattle noisily on the floor before coming to a stop by the door.

 

Without thinking, Cullen run towards it and bent to pick it up. He faltered, his fingers barely an inch away from the vial. His whole hand shook uncontrollably. Balling his hands into fists he stood, leaving the lyrium paraphernalia scattered at his feet.

 

_O Maker, Hear my cry_

_Guide me through the blackest nights..._

Cullen opened the door of his office and made his way out into the darkness of night.  He did not even stop to put on his armour or retrieve his sword. 

 

_Steel my heart against the temptations of the wicked..._

\----------------------------------------------------

 

Solas strolled leisurely through the gardens at Skyhold.  He needed to pick some supplies from the herb garden and he much preferred doing it at night when the grounds were deserted.  Solas loved how the garden smelled at night. The scent of Cestrum Nocturnum (or lady of the night in laymen’s terms) filled the air, sweet and earthy. There were hints of elfroot and ...was that the fade?

 

Solas sniffed the air out of instinct.

 

_Sword oil, elderflower...Commander Cullen?_

Solas followed the scent across the garden to one of the rooms that stood at the back of the grounds.

 

“Though all before me is shadow, yet shall the Maker be my guide. I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the Beyond...”

 

Solas heartbeat quickened and the elf had to place a hand against the wall to steady himself.  The onslaught of the Commander’s scent (Unusually strong at this moment) hit him full force like a punch to the gut. Add that to the sight of the human on his knees, wearing not his armour but tight brown breaches and a loose sleeping shirt…Solas felt heat pool at the pit of his stomach and his wolf growl appreciatively.

 

A candle provided soft light in the chapel where Cullen prayed. The warm glow danced across the back of the Commander’s deliciously wide shoulders, the nape of his neck exposed as the human’s head bowed low in reverence to the statue of the Maker’s bride before him.

 

The past three months had seen the relationship change between the Hedge mage and the Commander. Solas was under no illusion that Cullen now trusted him. But the seeds of mutual respect were planted that day back at the tent when Haven fell.  Solas nurtured the fledgling admiration gradually, mindful to not push too much too rapidly lest all his machinations crumble at his feet.

 

It had been slow, but they were now at a stage where Solas could say with certainty that the Commander no longer merely tolerated his company. Oh the Commander was still wary of the apostate to be sure, but somewhere between the conversations about Solas’ travels and the amicable chess matches in the gardens an unspoken understanding and genuine appreciation of each other’s company had developed.

 

Solas actively supressed a growl that threatened to escape. The wolf these past months had been quiet, yet always lurking just below the surface. It wasn’t too difficult to control the beast’s nature as long as Solas left Skyhold every few days to roam along the Frostback Mountains and let the wolf wander free.  However, at this moment, the urge to give in to the wolf’s desires and claim the Commander as his own was overwhelming.

 

“My Maker, know my heart. Take from me a life of sorrow, lift me from a world of…of…” Cullen’s voice trembled and his hands shook alarmingly. A dry sob left escaped the Commanders lips as he placed his hands palm down on his thighs. “Maker, Please give me strength. Give me the courage to stay true. I don’t want to lose my life to this... ” he finished in a whisper.

 

Solas closed his eyes and drew in a stuttered breath. Even if all the people in Thedas now weren’t truly real, he loathed to see any of them suffering. Especially the stoic, beautiful, broken man on his knees before him. Cullen’s pain was unnecessary. Solas knew he could help if the stubborn warrior allowed him too. Still, he knew he could not force this. Cullen had to _choose_ accept his aid.

 

Against his better judgement Solas took a hesitant step into the chapel, and then another one and another until he stood behind the ex- Templar. Cullen was far too caught up in his own ordeal to hear the sound of the elf’s approach.

 

“Commander...” Cullen startled, turned quickly to face the mage.

 

“Solas...what?” The Commander cleared his throat. Out of habit, trembling hands moved to grasp the pommel of the sword that was not there.  With no other option, Cullen let them hang loosely at his sides instead. “What did you hear?” He said, his voice resuming his usual commanding tone.

 

“I heard enough.” Solas answered simply.

 

Cullen’s eyes widened momentarily before his expression deadpanned. Without saying a word he moved to walk away from Solas, his shoulder brushing against the elf as he passed.

 

_Stubborn..._

Solas grabbed the blondes arm and Cullen stilled, facing away from the elf refusing to look back.

 

“Release me, Mage.”

 

_Ah, there it is._

 

“I will do so if that is your wish, but not before you hear what I have to say. I have told you before that it is not in me to force magic upon the unwilling, that still holds true now. I am aware we are not quite friends Commander, but we are at the very least allies. I wish to help if I can.”

 

The Commander sighed.

 

“You cannot help with this.”

 

“You’re wrong. Templars are not the only ones that suffer ill effects from Lyrium withdrawal.  If you like, I know a spell to manage the symptoms.”

 

Cullen turned quickly, grabbing Solas’ Tunic and pulling the elf against him aggressively.

 

“Who told you?!”

 

Solas had to fight to keep the wolf contained. Hackles raised and snarling in warning it lurked, stalked dangerously close the surface.

 

“No one _told_ me, Commander. I am neither blind nor unperceptive. ”

 

Cullen’s grip on Solas’ tunic loosened a little.

 

“How long have you known.”  Cullen asked almost in a whisper, his face so close to Solas’ that the elf could feel the human’s warm breath on his lips. The mage’s eyes involuntarily lowered to the ex-Templar’s mouth. He was so close; it would be nothing to close the gap between their lips. To _finally_    know what the Commander tasted like...

 

_Fen’hedis, No!_

Solas schooled his expression into calm indifference.

 

“Since before Haven fell.”

 

“Who else have you told?”

 

_Distrustful, stubborn ass..._

“Why should I answer? You would not believe me in any case. I am no fool, Commander. It is  painfully apparent that you do not trust me. That is not unexpected and to a certain degree I understand your apprehension. However, What I do expect is that you trust I want what you want.” Cullen breathed in sharply as Solas continued. “The Inquisition needs its Lion if it is to thrive…grow.  I need the Inquisition to succeed if I am to return to my life as it was. Corypheus _must_ be stopped for that to happen and the Herald is the only one with the power to do so.  The Herald leads the Inquisition... so you see my predicament.” Solas’ raised his hands to loosely cover the Commanders, gently urging the human’s hands to release the mage’s tunic.

 

“I..I..” Cullen stammered, looking confused and drained.

 

“It is in both our interests that you overcome this. If you cannot trust that I would wish to help simply because I care enough to want to ease your suffering, trust that I will do whatever is in my power to return to the life I lived before the breach made that life no longer possible...Stop acting like the Templar you profess you are no longer and let me _help_ you.”

 

“Yes.” Cullen whispered surprisingly, so low that Solas barely heard.

 

_He must be exhausted to agree with so little prodding…_

 

“Thank you.”  Solas said stepping back from the tall human. “Lead on, Commander.”

 

“Where?”

 

“Your rooms, of course. You will likely sleep for a long while after and I would rather your soldiers not find you slumbering in the gardens come morning in nothing but your sleeping garments.”

 

\--------------------------------------------------

“Take off your shirt and lay on the bed, if you would.”

 

_The fuck?..._

“What? Is that really necessary?”  Cullen asked, sitting on the edge of his bed.

 

Cullen could not believe he was sitting on his bed waiting for a _mage_ to cast a spell on him. It was madness. Especially when you took into account that it was this particular mage that was doing the casting.

 

Solas was not wrong when he said Cullen didn’t trust him. He enjoyed the elf’s company, certainly. But he still wouldn’t trust the elf as far as he could throw him. That’s what made this whole situation preposterous... And yet, here they were.

 

_Maker, I’m just so, so...tired._

“Relax, Commander. I am not planning anything sinister, I assure you.  And to answer your question, No. It is not absolutely necessary, but it would make my task much easier.”

 

Cullen groaned dejectedly and reluctantly removed his shirt, letting the garment fall on the floor by his feet.

 

“Thank you. Now, lay down. It will not take long.”

 

Cullen slipped his boots off and lay back on the bed stiffly, muscles tensed. He felt the mattress dip when Solas sat down on the edge, facing him.

 

“Try to relax, Commander. “ Solas said, placing his hand on the Commander’s bare shoulder. “I promise, you will feel better shortly.”

 

Cullen tensed even more. He was unsure how to react to the elf’s gentle touch. Looking down the Commander studied Solas’ long, graceful fingers curled around his shoulder.  The human’s heart quickened and his breath stilled in his lungs. Cullen could not say if the nerves were due to fear or excitement.

 

_Andraste’s ass his hand is warm, his skin so soft..._

_“_ Ready?”

 

Cullen’s gaze snapped up to the mage’s face. Kind blue eyes looked back at his panicked amber ones. With a breathy exhale Cullen nodded, heart beating furiously against his chest.

 

_Fuck, Fuck, Fuck.. Breathe Rutherford. This isn’t Kinloch….This isn’t Kirkwall…Solas is not Uldred._

 

Solas raised a hand to Cullen’s temple, fingertips lightly brushing against the Commander’s hair. A soft blue light emanated from the mage’s hand and the air filled with the unmistakeable hum of magic. Soothing warmth began to trickle into Cullen’s mind. It was an odd feeling but not an unpleasant one. The tension slowly began to ease out of his muscles when the hand Solas still held at the Commander’s shoulder joined its partner in glowing softly.

 

“Close your eyes, Commander. You have my word that no harm will come to you. Sleep, now.”  Solas whispered.

 

Cullen’s eyes involuntarily fluttered closed. He could feel the Mages hands trail down across his arms, back up and ever so slowly glide down his chest. Fingers pressed lightly over Cullen’s bare torso, tracing each of his abs whilst the soothing, warm magic enveloped his entire body.

 

_Maker, that feels so good..._

Cullen’s mind fogged over as darkness edged ever closer. Not long before sleep finally claimed him, the Commander skin prickled at the sensation of warm breath on his neck. The soft pleasing lilt of Solas’ voice whispered low in his ear.

 

“Worry not for those you seek to protect, they are not in danger now. Sleep now, Brave Lion. All is well. ”

 

A soft brush of lips at his throat just below his ear, a sharp inhale followed by a low rumble...and then darkness…

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yes, I try for dark... but I dont think I quite get there... maybe a little angst? ... Yeah I don't even know lol But I just wasn't really feeling this chapter and I'm not really very happy with it. But it was either post it as it is or lose my mind lol ... Hope you enjoyed. I apologize for the inevitable errors. I will go through it again tomorrow and fix those :D 
> 
> Hugs to all!
> 
> Please don't forget to leave me comments letting me know what you think :D Like I said, this is mostly an experiment. Let me know if you think its working or not.
> 
> Thankies :D

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> Comments and feedback is greatly appreciated.


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